the
Flying
Camels
.:profile:.
The Flying Camels is an urban society which is believed to have emerged in late 20th
Century.
The members are characterized by their attitudes of contempt or disdain for something or somebody.
In JaVanese legal terminology, this organization is referred to as Anarchism; literally "political disorder" and
"anti-gov".
Although some people may join to further their own aims, all are united in the ultimate goal of gaining world
domination.
Flying Camel is widespread, spanning several countries with agents in various places.
"We Don't Discriminate, We Scorn Everyone"
Nazri Aziz new action movie
31.3.09
If you think Forrest Gump was dumb, this is even worse, the Forrest Gump of Malaysia, long live Mr. Stupid
Can you spot the difference?
National Culture Facts
NATIONAL EXCUSE for HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.
NATIONAL EXCUSE for being LATE: Traffic Jam.
NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rush into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.
NATIONAL FRUIT for inducing MENSTRUATION: Pineapple and Cu-cum-ber (Cucumber)
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Air Bandung. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything...
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(MEN): Food poisoning.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(WOMEN): Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by WOMEN when REFUSING SEX: Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, period, haven't removed make-up, haven't had a shower, no water supply, going to watch "Desperate Housewives", depressed, no mood, etc...
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by MEN when REFUSING SEX: None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.
NATIONAL CURE for HEADACHES: Panadol. The "cure for all." If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE for DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE for DIZZINESS (for YUPPIES): Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE for DIZZINESS (Dedicated for YUPPIES): The sight of a police roadblock.
NATIONAL WORKING HOURS: 10.30am - 12.30am, 3pm-5pm (go see government office to see for yourself)
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere, as long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL most MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME: Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! On second thought, why bother pronouncing silly French names like Peugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot." When I was in school, Milo was always 'MeeLo.' Now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo." So don't be embarrassed saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "orangootan."
NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less Mat Salleh backpacker goes "bouncing" about on the streets.
NATIONAL FAVORITE DAY: Holiday & Pay Day
Intellectual Jobs in Malaysia
Traffic Police - Only Malays can apply. Their job is simple - ask a driver to pull over, tell him that he has offended many traffic laws (invent one if they couldn't find any) and tell him that they can 'settle' for the expensive fines by a small token of good gesture. Simply ask the drivers to pass some money under their driver's license, and then bid him farewell with the words like "you senang, saya pun senang" and "Ingat, saya anti rasuah!"
Bandaraya Officer - Also known as city council officer. It's a form of legalized gangsterism. Only Malays can apply. Job scope includes legal extortion, confiscating mamak stall tables and chairs, confiscating tables, red cloth and VCD from illegal VCD peddlers and so on. Must be a good auctioneer as well as all confiscated items will be auctioned off."
Toll's Money Collector - Sparta requires all males to be fit and healthy, and the same goes to Malaysia's toll collectors. They must have perfect limbs - the left hand must be well developed for it is essential to operate the ticket machine and the cash register. The right hand must be well-built to move non-stop from 8 to 10 daily, and the legs are vital because occasionally they need to abandon their boxes to avoid vehicle crashes to the toll booth. If any of the candidates for the job do not fulfill the required requirements, His Anal Majesty Anwar himself will see to it that the failed candidates will be sodomized and thrown down into the blissful mountains the Chinese call 'Nirvana', the (M)ush-lims 'Bukit Tinggi', the Indians 'N/A' (as the national motto goes, "It's not our problem anyway").
Ah Long - Interested applicants must be Chinese, be fluent in Cantonese, Hokkien, Hakka (being able to curse proficiently is a bonus), have blond hair, killer, liar, have one pierced ear and drive a used Proton Wira with windows tinted as black as Booker T, complete with spoiler so big the car dwarfs an A380, and a muffler the size of Neptune. Also must regularly to kill, kurung people in the sangkar. Must be literate and able to write on small notebooks call buku 555 (so called for the numbers '555' on the cover). An essential skill is the ability to sneak into the homes of people that can't repay their loans (mostly gamblers, other Ah Longs, old Aunties addicted to DaMaCai, or just lazy school kids that want to buy Ragnarok Online characters off eBay) and paint threatening Chinese words (must be in red paint) on their walls. Must also have an affinity with techno music.
Chettiar - The Indian equivalent to Ah Longs. Applicant must be Indian (duh), pot-bellied, have curly moustaches, carry huge black umbrella and carry a huge suitcase in one hand. Also must be able to pull off a Bollywood fight scene in case a client refuses to pay his loans.
Mat Rempit - Pseudo-professional motocycle stuntmen, soon to be dead. Only Malays can apply. Becoming a Mat Rempit is a guarantor of a good future, with the backup support from the government agency call Putera Tak Senonoh Umno. You only need to do stupid motorcycle stunts on your motorbike on a public road to attract more tourists for Year Visit Malaysia 2007. If you don't have money to spend, become a part-time snatch thief or robber. Getting arrested is a definite occupational hazard, but don't worry - just use bribe the Police and everything will be settled.
TMnerd SHITmyx technical assistance - The easiest job in the world. Just have to pick up the phone, ask for user verification, then ask the caller to unplug the phone line and plug-in again, then restart the computer. You have to memorise the speech and repeat it 500million times a day, because apparently Terrorkom wants to save money.
UMNO Activist - Threaten Malaysians with Keris and degrade non-Malays as immigrants and slaves. Sick and racist, but very good pay. Only rich half-Malays and Malay pretenders can apply - genuine Malays are advised to remain in their kampung and mind their own business.
MCA/MIC Activist - Good choice for non-Malays who still wish to get the money and power benefits that UMNO activists have.
Mamak Stall Worker - Majority taken up by Indian Muslims. Must be able to tolerate racist remarks and flip Roti Canais 24/7. Poor salary, but they don't really care. Must be able to prepare for raids from Bandaraya at any given time